You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
