just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
