Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
