I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you win again, gameday.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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