you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
