Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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