I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
