I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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