He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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