the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
