I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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