Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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