the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
