$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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