you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
