Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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