I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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