im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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