I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
