is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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