Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
