He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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