Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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