SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
