it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
