just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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