Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
