It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
