dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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