So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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