it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
