she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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