I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
