Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
