I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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