Please, let me fuck your mom
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
