hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
