Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
