We're facebook friends in real life
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't deserve a penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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