Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
