You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
