I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
