DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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