Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
