saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
