And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
