i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
