I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
