Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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