oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
