He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
